What Not To Do When Searching For Love Online.
According to pewresearch, 54 % of Americans say online dating is just as successful as meeting in person.
While 33% have stated having a somewhat negative experience. The most common negative experiences were harassment, unwanted explicit messages, name-calling and threats.
Depending on how you navigate, online dating can be either a positive or negative experience for you.
In this guide you’ll learn:
How To Set Up Your Profile
So you decided to give online dating a try. Finally decided to download that app, or even buy that subscription to see what else is out there. I get it, you’re looking for love and you want to try to find it a different way. Or you might just be looking to have some fun. Either way, setting up your profile can be daunting and I’m here to help! Making sure you’re profile is set up properly can determine the type of DM’s you get from potential suitors. So make sure you take notes, so you can make sure you have 8’s, 9’s, and 10’s sending you messages, and not 1’s and 2’s.
Profile picture
Picking the right profile picture can make or break your profile. So let’s make sure you get it right!
1. Pick a photo you haven’t posted on any other social media. This way no one can look you up on other sites from doing a photo search.
2. Pick a photo that shows your personality. You want a picture that will draw someones attention and make them want to look deeper into your profile.
3. Pick a photo that shows off your best physical features. You want to definitely show off your best attributes. However, please be cautious when choosing the right picture to post. If you’re trying online dating because you’re looking for something serious I would suggest finding a more modest photo. Only because, the wrong picture will only get guys who only want to have fun in your DMs. (If you know what I mean).
Profile name
1. Never put your real government name on your profile. If you put your real name, anyone who comes across your profile has the ability to look you up online and can potentially locate your other social media sites. There’s a few different ways you can go about this, but here are my top 2 options.
Option 1: Create a name that resembles your real name.
My real name is: Sammantha Louis — My profile name: Sammy Jo
Option 2: Create a name that you like.
My real name is: Samantha Louis — My Profile name is: Jess Jackson
With either option, you can’t go wrong.
About me section
1. Keep it short and sweet. Think of this section as a trailer or a preview into who you are. Essentially, you want to create an elevator pitch about yourself. Now, I’m not saying you have to write an entire autobiography. So, you should definitely try to limit your bio to anywhere between 280 and 500 max characters. You want to say just enough, just not too much. Let’s leave some information to there imagination. If he’s interested he’ll reach out to you.
2. Stay focused. Talk about yourself in this section, try not to go too deep into what you’re looking for here. You don’t want to write out exactly what you’re looking for, because the wrong person can read your profile and come along doing everything you want. This can lead to potential issues and wasted time in the long run. There are other areas on your profile, like the profile questions that will give your potential suitor enough information to determine if you might be a good potential fit.
Profile Questions
1. Complete them all. I always suggest answering all of the profile questions. Only because, these are general questions that everyone has the potential to answer. In addition, these questions will help you narrow down your option pool.
How To Pick The Best Options
This part is easy because your profile has already done most of this for you. With dating sites that require paid subscriptions, you see this option the most. They tend to give you lots of questions to answer, and they even manage to rank your options by percentage. Essentially, they do the work of going through your potential suitors for you. Your job is to take these top options selected and choose the options that work best for you.
For dating apps, that don’t require you to fill out a series of questions, I suggest you fill out your bio as mentioned above. In addition, you need to write a list of questions that you’re going to ask every potential suitor that you “match” with. Looks are only a part of determining if someone is right for you, so make sure your questions include deal breakers. Meaning, your questions should align with what you’re currently looking for and should easily help you decipher if this potential suitor is going to make it to the next round of eliminations.
Current mood: Taking my time, trying to pick through my current options !
Quality > Quantity
For example, if you’re a single professional women like me, with no kids, you need to look at your list of what you’re looking for in a man and formulate your questions accordingly. After looking at my list here are a few sample questions I came up with.
Do you have a job?
I asked this question because, I prefer to be with a man who has a job. Not having a job is a deal breaker for me, so this question will help me eliminate potentials who don’t meet my minimum requirements.
Do you have a car?
I asked this question, because I enjoy going on dates and traveling. Initially, we will meet up for dates separately. However, I want my man to come pick me up and take me on dates. So if a potential answers no to this question, I would have to ask follow up questions such as:
Is your car in the shop?
Do you have a license?
Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Family is very important to me, and I want to have a family with someone who values family as well. Having a good relationship with your parents can be a good indicator of the type of relationships a potential has with women and men.
Do you have a kids ? If so, how many?
I’ve dated a few guys with kids and my experience was very negative. After the fact, I decided I prefer dating men with no strings attached. However, I’m willing to date a man with 1 kid if he exceeds in all other areas. This is an exception I made to this rule, that is dependent on the person I’m dealing with.
Do you have pets?
I’m a dog person, and I’m not the biggest fan of cats. Your pets are like your kids so someone having a pet can be a good indicator of how they show compassion, and how they show love and care. Since, I’m not a cat person, this question will help me eliminate those with cats. It’s not an automatic deal breaker for me, but I don’t want to feel uncomfortable every time I come over to hang out.
Do you smoke? If so, what substance do you smoke? If so, how often?
This is a huge deal breaker for me, because the type of substance you smoke and what you smoke will determine if i want to be around you. I do not prefer cigarette smokers, because I have asthma and i can’t stand the smell. I also, don’t want to date anyone on hard drugs because it doesn’t align with what I have planned for my future.
Do you drink ? If so, how often?
For me, this question just helps me put into perspective the type of person I’m dealing with. Are you a social drinker or are you on the verge of alcoholism? This helps me decide if i’m dealing with someone who has self control over things they desire. I’m a social drinker, so I’m also looking for someone who either drinks socially; or doesn’t drink but is okay with me drinking when we are together.
You never want to assume anything about a person, assumptions can lead to negative thoughts, which can lead to actions. These actions will determine your future, and you want to make sure you’re not making permanent decisions in temporary situations. These questions are only a guideline, so I strongly suggest you create your lists and start writing yours down to.
The Best Way To Text And When
People ask this question all the time, “When should I give him my number so we can start texting?” My answer is always the same, when you’re ready! I don’t believe in putting a time frame on anything because every situation is different, and feelings come and go.
However, I do believe in doing whats best for you and setting boundaries. For instance, don’t tell someone if we’re not together ,officially in 3 months I’m done with you. No, that’s not cool because everyone is different and things take time. But if you’re giving one person your attention and they’re dragging there feet and you have other potential suitors who are ready for the next step now and ready for commitment; I would definitely encourage you to explore your options. You are worth more than being put on the shelf by someone who is exploring there other options. Don’t wait for a man to come around, get out there and explore your options too sis!
Current mood: Me on this path called life, doing whats best for me until I run into the guy for me. Exploring all of my options !
I say, text when you’re ready. Just don’t forget the most important rule of thumb. NEVER GIVE OUT YOUR REAL NUMBER! I repeat, Never give out your real number ! Let me be the first to say, that I’ve been there and done that. I have given out my number to guys to start texting and shortly after I find out these guys are not the one for me. So i decide to cut things off and block them, and this method works for some. Most guys get the hint and move on, but others don’t and continue to pursue and bring negativity to you. In order to avoid potential backlash, of random calls from a blocked number. Or even calls from local numbers, that you pick up, just to realize its Mike Z, the guy you blocked 4 months ago.
Let’s play it safe and give out a free text now number. This way, if this guy is crazy and doesn’t align with your list and values, you’re able to disconnect from him peacefully. He can continue to contact your free number, but you can always change it and get a new one. Let’s save ourselves from the headache of having to change your number.
When To Transition From Texting To An In-Person Date
Hitting it off with someone can be exciting. Naturally you’ll want to go on a date whenever you feel ready. It’s important that when you do go on a date, you only take dates with people who align with your list and you stick to your boundaries. As mentioned previously, I don’t put time limits on things, so I’ll say when you feel comfortable go for it. If you’re feeling a spark or connection go for it !
A few precautions I suggest you take are as follows:
Find out all of the essential information on this person. Name, Age, City, and a photo. Then send this information to a friend you trust right before your date. Just let them know you’re going on a date with this person, the location of the date, and that you’ll let them know when the date is over and you made it home safely. You can also share your location with them as well.
Meet in a public location, with lots of people around. You want to make sure, you meet in public places until enough time has passed, to where you feel comfortable around this person.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, what if they used fake information just like you did. Great question, and they might, but you still need to send someone you trust all of the information you have just in case something happens. I also, send a text of the the persons make/model of the car if i see them pull up.
Please be advised, that online dating is risky because anyone can pretend to be someone else sitting behind the computer screen. The TV show “Catfish” is a great example of this. If you haven’t already seen this show, you should definitely check it out. All online situations, aren’t like this, but you can get an idea of potential scenarios that can happen.
Let’s remember that all sparks and connections aren’t always good and positive, so let’s be mindful that not all dates are going to work out. It can definitely get discouraging, but it’s going to all make sense when you finally do meet “the one” for you.
Final thoughts
Online dating can be a positive or negative experience for you, depending on how you navigate. There is no specific time frame for anything, but let’s think and move smart so that we’re protected and safe in all situations. I encourage you, to create your profile and put yourself out there for potential suitors. After you create your list and establish your boundaries the dating process will become a lot easier.
Article by: Mahogany
Hey! I’m Mahogany and I'm here to walk with you on your self – development journey. From lifestyle, education, relationships, to health and fitness. My blog is all about providing you with helpful tips and advice as we become the best versions of ourselves.